bye, wanda.

Oh, my dearest Wanda.

We met about four years ago when we first started seeking help for infertility. I didn’t expect our relationship to last this long, nor did I expect to have such a love/hate relationship with you.

Our first few months together in 2013, you found out my left Fallopian tube had become infected and died. I had to have laparoscopy surgery to remove it.

About six months into our relationship, you helped determine when the prime time would be for my fertility clinic to put a “turkey baster” of sperm into me for some IUIs. Sadly, none were successful.

And, about a year into our relationship is when we started to get really, really close. My husband and I had moved onto in vitro (IVF) and boy, did we see you a lot. About ten IVF cycles to be exact.

From baselines, to monitoring appointments to track follicle growth, to pregnancy ultrasounds, you and I have spent a lot of time together, Wanda. Too much if you ask me.

As much as I have “enjoyed” our time together, it often times was some of the hardest times.

You have helped bring and show us the most beautiful, awestruck moments of our lives. The best ones, were not only seeing our baby’s heartbeat on the screen, but allowing us to actually hear our baby’s heartbeat. Moments I will never forget. For those moments, I am forever grateful.

However, you’ve also been there to deliver the worst news of our lives. That being, either there was no heartbeat or that we sadly miscarried before being able to see any of our little babies on the screen. Six in total. Six devastating losses.

So, here we are. Four years into our infertility journey together, and I can finally say, it’s time for us to move on. Break up, if you will. We are done with our appointments (after tomorrow’s egg retrieval), and I’m calling it quits Wanda – you gone. Bye Felicia.

As we move onto gestational surrogacy, I pray so hard that in the near future, you only deliver us not only good news, but the BEST news. We want our miracle, rainbow baby, so bad. We have endured so much pain over the years, and truly feel this is our time. So please, I beg of you, bring us the most amazing news. I also hope and pray that you continue to deliver only good news to those also struggling with infertility.

I feel like that’s the least you could do for us, after all this time together.

It’s time for me to pass the torch – I mean, Wanda. Please be good to us and everyone else.