“Recurrent Spontaneous Abortion”

…it’s just been one of those days. One of those days that you question what the hell you’re doing on this journey?! One of those days that you question how much more can you take?! One of those days where you constantly question when will it be our turn?! And, one of those days where you get bad news.

This Thursday would be four weeks since our appointment with KK’s office, so I thought I would message the clinic to see if they’ve made any progress on our IVIg pre-auth claim with our insurance company. I haven’t heard back from them, but I got a letter from my insurance company in the mail today. And it sucks. Royally.

It states that “benefits for the service(s)/procedure(s), as described below, HAVE NOT BEEN APPROVED.”

F$*K. 

It goes on to say that “the BCBSIL medical policy RX504.003 considers the use of IVIg for the treatment of RECURRENT SPONTANEOUS ABORTION as experimental, investigational, and unproven.”

Is it really necessary to use that term for the losses of my precious babies? Abortion, REALLY!? I did NOT choose to lose my children. Abortion is defined as the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy. So, how can they use the term ABORTION? Please, someone help me make sense of this. Does it help them desensitize what we women really go through with pregnancy loss/miscarriage?! It’s completely and utterly UNFAIR.

This is just yet another kick to the stomach, on this LONG journey of infertility. Meanwhile, those we love continue to be blessed with pregnancies. Yes, we are as “used” to it as we should be, but the further we get into this journey, the harder it gets to be honest. I’ll never, ever, EVER understand why it just is never our turn and only those around us. If you’re pregnant or have children, please know you’re so very blessed & don’t take them for granted. And I pray that you never have or never will have to feel the pain of infertility.

Our next step (I believe) is to pay Dr. Kwak Kim $77 to write a letter of dispute to our insurance company about why I need the IVIg treatment. If it isn’t covered, there is no way we can move forward with another transfer. Each IVIg infusion is $4,000 and I would need them weekly during pregnancy. I can’t even do the math right now, but I know it would be impossible for us to afford.

I’ve never felt so lost or defeated on this journey. 😦