Infertility is one of the last things I ever thought I would encounter in my life. As a woman, you spend most of your life preventing pregnancy and then when you are ready to get pregnant you think it will be a piece of cake. WRONG. WAY WRONG. I was never even on birth control until it was prescribed to me for IVF.
I’ve often heard of infertility, miscarriages, etc but never ever once thought it would happen to me. I thought I’d follow a calendar, listen to my body, track ovulation, and boom, it would work. WRONG. WAY WRONG. But it did. It happened to me. Just as it happens to 10-15% of other couples trying to start a family.
I have my moments, as all of us “infertiles” do. Lately, I feel like I have them more often than not. Trust me, I hate feeling the emotions I feel but I can’t control it.
Chelsea from the blog http://www.trialsbringjoy.com could not have said it better:
“Infertility is hard. Who’s with me? The battle is filled with highs and lows, moments you think you’re beating it and then moments your world seems to come crashing down.”
“Miscarriages, brutal surgeries, insane amounts of medicine, impressively intense mood swings – all of these things add up…”
I can’t even count the number of times I have wanted to delete my Facebook just from pregnancy announcements + all the baby pictures. To be honest with you, I hide all of the people that constantly post pictures of their babies. Trust me, it isn’t that I’m not happy for you. But to me, that picture is heartbreaking. A CONSTANT REMINDER OF WHAT WE DO NOT HAVE. CONSTANT. It’s gotten to the point where I will skip family functions, friends parties, etc if it means I have to see someone pregnant or a baby. IT’S JUST HARD.
I hear all to often from people that my time is coming. I want to slap those people in the face. How can they be so sure? Because nothing is for sure in life. NOTHING.
The only thing I feel like people can say/do for us is to pray for us. All of the empty promises they think they feel, make things worse.
I try my best to embrace this journey that God has brought to my husband & I. To think about all the positives — how strong I’ve become, how much I’ve learned, how I’ve grown as an individual, how sensitive I’ve become to those struggling with infertility, how I’ve met several women struggling the same with the use of social media, and how many women I’ve helped with my blog & honesty.
I’ve been told countless times that God will never give us more than we can handle. And man, I hope it’s true. Between our miscarriage in December and my father’s sudden passing in March, I do not know how much more I can handle. Giving up seems like a great option right about now…
I ask that you please pray for my husband and I as we get closer to when we can try IVF again. This time we will be doing an FET (frozen embryo transfer) because we have three frozen embryos. Pray for our strength during this trying time and for whatever outcome is supposed to happen<3
Thank you to everyone, XOXO.
I totally understand about hiding things on FB. I did that a lot the last few years until I got pregnant with IVF. Once my daughter was born, then I went through and started letting all those posts show again in my newsfeed.
I honestly thing infertility is even harder to deal with these days with social media. When you’re struggling to become pregnant it seems that everyone else is pregnant or has kids and it’s constantly in your face. That’s how I felt anyways.
This blog is the best thing I ever did while battling infertility. I was able to let it all out and find others who were in the same boat as me.
Good luck with your FET, I hope this is the cycle for you! 🙂
Know that you are loved. Every feeling you have is valid and part of your own journey.
I have a sign in my house and Your post made me think of it.
I know God only gives us what we can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much. -mother Teresa
Some of the things you said resonate and make me feel less guilty for thinking/doing them myself! All the best 🙂
Good luck with your FET! Can’t wait to talk soon 🙂