My Husband’s Side of the Journey

So here is my side of our journey to three…

Most men will think of themselves as problem solvers and solution finders. Well as a Marine Infantryman I definitely think that. Improvise, adapt and overcome. That is what I have been taught since day one in the Marine Corps. If no solution is in sight then you make one.

In this case, infertility, there is no solution that you can do as a man. So that is one of the hardest things. Our so called “power” is stripped away from us. My wife is left to deal with the medications, and all their cruel side affects. The probing, poking, phone calls, appointments and everything else is all left up to her. I’ve never felt so mad, frustrated, and not in control… But I can’t show it… I need to be stronger, so that she has someone to lean on, to talk to, to let her know that it’s worth it in the end. To massage her back and feet when I get back from work at 2230.

If my dogs could talk… They would tell you about the tears that fall into their fur when it’s just me and them at home. Hoping and praying that this will work and it will be all worth it in the end. This is my journey, our journey, to three.

As a husband, as a friend, as a Marine I will do everything in my power to help defeat this obstacle. We are a family and I will be strong, I need to be strong. There is nothing to do but to be strong. This is just the beginning. And when this works and we get pregnant the frustration and pain will be worth it.

Another feeling I have is that it isn’t fair. It’s not fair that I can’t take Erin’s pain away, that I can’t take an injection every once in a while. That I’m not in pain from cramps or back pain or hot flashes. It’s just not fair. But I try my hardest to take good care of her. I try to always keep things light and full of humor. (Even in combat we were always trying to laugh) it’s the key to happiness I truly believe that. Even when the only thing I want to do is scream and fight this beast of infertility. I will stay composed and think about how great it will be in the end. It’s one hell of a journey but I think we can do anything together, as a family. I love Erin so much and I admire her strength and resolve. I just hope that she knows that she isn’t in this thing alone.

It’s our fight. Our journey to three.

–Matt

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7 Comments

  1. The love y’all have for each other is so beautiful…something like this could tear most relationships apart…but it has made y’all’s stronger!!

    I couldn’t help but cry reading your post Erin and then reading Matt’s post…that’s true love ❤

    Danny and I love y'all so much and we haven't stopped praying for your miracle…looking forward to that day when you that little miracle in your arms!!

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  2. Matt and Erin,

    Your Pops and I just read both of your posts at the supper table. Brought tears to our eyes. I think Annie was teary too!

    As a man who has done a bit of personal exploration I can vouch for the strength of all people who allow themselves to be vulnerable. Courage and vulnerability walk hand in hand.

    As a dear friend reminds me often–“the obstacles are the path.”

    My own current study reminds me that our work as humans is done best when we do our darn best to stay present and aware of what is happening in the moment. When the waves seems to be overwhelming us we need to remember that we can simply dip below the surface into the calm and loving support of the Divine. One breath at a time.

    Much love to you both. It was wonderful to spend time with you last week and I look forward to seeing you again soon.

    Gary

    PS. I hope you BOTH will keep writing.

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    1. Thank you Gary A for the kind words. And thank you & Gary for all your support while we go through IVF. We are truly blessed with wonderful family & friends that help make this journey more enjoyable & give us the strength to continue when things are tough. Xoxo.

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