I’m back.

While I’m still patiently waiting for my AF to start (it’s been 4 weeks since my IUI was canceled), I can’t help but be thankful in a way. For six months straight I was injected with hormones, poked and prodded, had so many ultrasounds I can’t even count – that this unplanned break was welcomed. I needed it, my body needed it. Even if I wanted to push my body into IVF, this is my body telling me I needed a break. As excited and anxious as I am to start IVF, I’ll keep waiting patiently for AF to arrive. (Don’t worry, I’ve taken a pregnancy test and it was negative.)

I feel like myself again. I’m back. Me. I’M BACK! It feels SO amazing. I can’t even describe it. It’s been 4 weeks without injections, hormone medication, supplements, blood draws, ultrasounds, etc. We feel like we live at the fertility clinic sometimes. We haven’t had to be on a time schedule to keep track of when my next injection is, worry about how many follicles I have or their size, & we have actually been able to relax, enjoy life, and not break plans because of our journey. IT FEELS AMAZING!!!!! And it is such a blessing❤️

Don’t get me wrong, I still think about having kids & get excited when I think about it each time. The emotional rollercoaster hasn’t stopped, but I could say it’s been a little better this month. I can tell you, that with each new pregnancy announcement, whether it be family or friends, each one feels like a swift punch to my stomach. And tears immediately start streaming. Believe me, I’m happy and excited for them, but I still feel broken hearted that I may never feel that excitement they feel. I wanna feel it. So bad. I’m a woman and I can’t do what my body should be able to do naturally.

Overall, it’s been a great 4 weeks off. Have I still been sad? Of course, but not all the time. My body & mind have had a wonderful break & I feel more ready than ever❤️

Until next time, xo.

1 Comment

  1. I am glad you are getting your break…Made me think of your bible verse above…He has plans to prosper you, He wants you to be you ❤

    Isaiah 40:31 comes to mind to ❤

    Love you PIC and I know your heart hurts with each new pregnancy…I remember those days & nights when I would cry to Danny, when I would cry out to God and get so angry. I would start thinking of what I did wrong, why was I being "punished", what was wrong with me that God didn't want to give me the miracle of a child.

    After two years and finally getting pregnant, I realize He was molding and creating me to be the woman I am today. Without that Night season in my life…I wouldn't have the relationship I have with Him.

    Keep the faith, don't ever give up hope!!! You are going to be an amazing mother one day ❤


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